Sonic's Fame: The Rise and Fall
by Asian Dawn
Summary: Sonic decides that his life in poverty has gone on too long, so he decides to start a war with Hollywood! Includes celebrities, corrupt politicians, drug dealing lawyers, Big as a rich, pompous jerk, Hobos, and special guest appearances like Phil Collins!
1. Chapter 1

If you're wondering, this fic is probably my most thought out yet. This time I portray the Sonic series as a movie. Of coarse all the characters (Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Amy, etc.) are portrayed as actors in the movie. Basically it mirrors the actual story of the VG series. The first few movies were critically acclaimed, but eventually the series goes into a slump thanks to bad moves by the company making the movies. (conveniently named Sonic Team) Now the actors struggle to pick up the pieces. Can Sonic and Tails ever make it back into Hollywood? This fic has action, comedy, suspense, murder, adventure, and love! Oh by the way, I do like the Sonic series, but the most recent outings have let me down. (Shadow the Hedgehog and up) But it's not just a stab at the Sonic series, it also takes stabs at Hollywood. ENJOY!… Oh, and I don't mean for this to offend people. I am in no way a Nazi.

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own any Sonic character or any character of Sonic Team. If you find any thing offensive in this, know, it is not my real opinion on the world Typically, I write the opposite of what I feel.**

**Hobos, Guns, and Hollywood:**

**The True Story of the Blue Blur**

**PROLOGUE**

_I was on top of the world. I had it all. Money, fame, girls. Where did I go wrong?_

"Sonic! Sonic!" Tails yelled, tapping Sonic in the head. Sonic had fallen asleep on the couch, in front of him was a book of collages. The book was made up of old news paper clippings. Tails sat down and started to read them.

"Station Square's

Best of 91 awards"

Best New Actor- Sonic the Hedgehog

Sonic dazzled audiences when he blasted into the spotlight with his premiere movie Sonic the Hedgehog. His acting won him the Oscar for best actor. He also got voted as sexiest man/animal alive in People Magazine, and sexiest animal alive in Hedgehog Buzz, Dog Fancy, and Inter-Species Erotica Monthly.

"The Blue Speed Demo Wins More Oscars"

The 1993 Oscars proved that people are not sick of the handsome blue blur, Sonic the Hedgehog. Sonic the Hedgehog 2 made a clean sweep taking home every award it was nominated in: Best Picture, Best Musical Score, Best Interspecies foursome (Featuring a human, rodent, donkey, and crustacean) Best Special Effects, Best Supporting Actor, Best Supporting Actress, Best Actress, and Best Actor.

"Sonic Saves World from Zombie Invaders"

In Earth's weakest moment, Sonic the Hedgehog stepped up and saved us all from an infectious disease that was turning people into zombies. When asked about the event this is what Sonic said: "Well, all I had to do was tap into their molecular structure to slow them down. While then I injected them with my cherry flavored zombie antidote, which affects the brain. Over time the zombies should become respected slaves in our economy" end quote. We say: genius!

"Sonic The Hedgehog 3 and Knuckles Sweeps Academy Awards"

For the first time ever the president of the academy walked out onto the stage at the Academy Awards and said: "Sonic 3 wins every award because it's freakin awesome." This was a strange move seeing how Sonic3 was only nominated in 15 of the 30 awards.

Tails skimmed through the rest of the articles:

"Sonic Solves Mystery of Salty McSaltyton's lost Treasure"

"Sonic Saves the World from Global Warming"

"Sonic ends world hunger"

"Sonic marries rich whore"

"Sonic to adopt 15th foreign child"

"Sonic botches MTV Awards performance"

"Sonic's new movie: Sonic the Hedgehog: Kick Ass American Hero Murdery Guy in Carnival Town Flops in Box Office"

"Sonic's House, Children, Wife, and Cars Repossessed"

"What are you doing?" Sonic asked, sitting up.

"Um… reading." Tails answered.

"Close that damn thing! It gives me nightmares!" Sonic complained.

"It was fun while it lasted…" Tails tried miserably to console Sonic.

"Oh shut up Tails, my career went down the drain faster than Tom Siezemore after Black Hawk Down. If it weren't for Tom Cruise going crazy and eating Katie Holmes the paparazzi would be filming this lousy apartment 24/7!"

"Well anyway, I got the mail. You got a letter from Weinberg." Tails told Sonic.

"Give me." Tails past the letter to Sonic. He opened it and read, "Dear Valuable Customer, We regret to inform you but we are canceling your prescription. If you want more information call 555-I Need-A-Lawyer." Sonic finished. "Those bastards!" He grabbed the phone and dialed the number. The receptionist answered.

"Welcome to Weinberg & Company Law Firm. If you have murdered a spouse, loved one, friend, hobo, senator, president, random pedestrian, or lawyer, please press one. If you have committed an act of treason press two. If you are a sports star and have been caught murdering your wife, doing steroids, or partaking in dog fighting, press three. If you have been caught shoplifting press four. If…" Sonic cut her off.

"Mary stop talking! I'd like to find my high…"

"Oh, a special client! I'll patch you through to Weinberg." Mary answered.

"So, Mrs. Axesmith, you chopped your husband up into little pieces, ground him to beef defecated into the final product, and served it to his mother, whom happened to be over for dinner. What you didn't expect was that you dropped his wallet into the meat, and that's how you got caught. Is that about right?" Weinberg was speaking to a client when the a light on his phone flashed. "Could you please hold crazy lady? I have someone on the other line." He pressed the button next to the red light. "Hello?"

"Weinberg? This is Sonic, I got a letter that said you were ending my speed prescription. Why?" Sonic asked.

"I'm sorry Sonic, but I can only order so many drugs at a time and this Brooklyn plumber ordered 100,000 shrooms. I had to cancel some prescriptions. Very sorry, have a nice day."

"Wait! Stop!" Sonic protested, but Weinberg had switched to the other line.

"So, Axesmith, how does this sound. You were cutting up the meat for your special ground beef surprise with an axe, but you didn't have your glasses on, your husband walked in and you accidentally chopped him up when he got in the way. The reason why you didn't stop when he was screaming in agony was because you had torture porn on the television and couldn't tell the difference. So you scoop his remains in the grinder and serve. A mistake anyone could've made. Now, can you play a good mourning widow?" Weinberg proposed.

"Unbelievable! He canceled my speed prescription! That's the last time I trust a Jewish man with blonde hair and blue eyes." Sonic complained.

"Thank god, you didn't need them anyway. You're the world's fastest hedgehog. You can go mach one! Wait, did you say blonde hair blue eyes? Are you sure he's Jewish. He wouldn't happen to have a swastika fetish, would he?" Tails said.

"Hm… shoulda' asked him. Anyway, that's a bit of an exaggeration. Without speed, well, I can only go ten miles an hour." Sonic confessed.

"Wow, you're pretty lame Sonic."

"Thanks Tails."

"Anyway," Tails said, "We've blown most of our money from Salty McSaltyton's treasure. We only have two hundred dollars left, so…" Tails trailed off as a huge steel ball tore the walls apart. The two rushed out of the apartment building as it collapsed, taking everything they owned with it.

Outside stood none other than Big the Cat. Big was a rich jerk who only had gotten a job in the movie because of his connections and money. Around him were big bulldozers, wrecking balls, and dump trucks.

"What the hell is this?!" Sonic screamed.

"Oh, did I forget to send the notice? Oh wait no, I just didn't feel like telling you." Big said, in a rich, pompous voice(which would be British of coarse), "You and the rest of this filthy block are being evicted to make way for my new mansion. It disgusts me to think of it. Happy families, and little kids, and puppy dogs. The way I see it, I'm doing the world a favor. Cat power!"

"What?" Tails asked.

"I… mean… uh… World peace!" Big responded.

"Hm… wait! Why do you need another mansion." Sonic demanded.

"Oh Sonic my boy, Such a young handsome bag of douche. If I've learned anything in the world, it's that Americans love rich people telling them what to do. They're not going to listen to someone who asks nicely! They only answer to rich, powerful, executives, with lots of oil, oh and who have secretly killed three hookers, and have a secret delinquent child. So, I'm building another estate. My biggest yet!" answered Big.

"Okay… I'll ignore that other shit, but… politics?" Sonic asked.

"Oh yes. You two are looking at the next president of the USofA!" Big announced.

"First of all! You're a friggen' sadist faggot! Second. Don't call it the USofA! That drives me crazy. Do it again, and I'll kill you! What? Don't think I'll do it? I take my pet peeves very seriously!" Sonic threatened.

"Hm… I don't have time for this. Have fun in poverty boys! Tootles!" Big said as he walked away.

"Tootles?! Tootles?! That guy's more annoying than Stephen Hawking!" Sonic complained.

"You take that back! Hawking is the most influential genius of our time. His IQ is far higher than Einstein himself!" Tails yelled.

"Never. If the guy's so smart why can't he talk?"

"Sonic?"

"Yes tails?"

"You're a douchebag."

As you can see, this fic has a lot of nods to pop culture. If you don't get it… well it really doesn't matter because they're pretty subtle. You should expect some stars to show up in my fic: Maurice Clairette, O.J. Simpson, Tom Cruise, Quentin Terrontino, Billy Joel, and so many more! Plus some returning Sonic characters: Amy, Knuckles, Shadow, Rouge, Eggman, Bean, and maybe some more! Will Sonic jump back on the radar? (unlikely) Will Tails find true love? (probably not) Did Amy get a… um… balloon job? (hopefully) Is Knuckles doing well for his self? (wait and see!) Is Shadow in Jail? (probably) Is Rouge an Academy Award winning actress? (well of coarse, with those… um… balloons…) Is Eggman up to his normal shenanigans? Find Out in the next chapter.

NEXT CHAPTER: CORRUPT POLITICIANS


	2. Chapter 2

Alright, I'm actually feeling good with this one. I hope you guys are too. I won't be posting much though. I am in school so I can only work on this during the weekends. Now Here comes chapter 1!

**CHAPTER 1**

**It Begins**

"So Sonic, why do you feel that you are perfect for the job as a cook here at McDonald's?" the McDonald's manager asked Sonic.

"Well I do a good job operating a microwave…"

"Here at The Station Square Nursery, child care is important. How would you care for a child here?"

"Just between you and me… I'm not a big kiddie person. My theory: Give a kid a plastic bag, and he'll be set for the day!"

"So why did you pick this sperm bank to work at?"

"The magazines are free here…" Sonic replied.

"I can't believe I failed three interviews in one day. I'm a failure." Sonic sulked.

"Relax Sonic, you'll find a job. Someday when we meet up again, you'll be really successful! I promise!" Tails tried to console Sonic.

"Some day? Meet up again? What do you mean?" Sonic demanded.

"Well… I'm going off to my old town to go to college… sorry."

"No you can't I need you!" Sonic cried.

"Need me for what? It's not like you're doing anything with your career." Tails said.

"Wait! That's it! Tails, I've just had an apostrophe!"

"Don't you mean epiphany?"

"Shut up Tails! We can resurrect my career!" Sonic exclaimed.

"You're crazy, we don't even know anyone in the business anymore!"

"Not true! What about Amy? She's like in love with you!"

"No! I am not calling that crazy bitch!" Tails freaked out.

"I can't believe I called that crazy bitch…" Tails complained. The duo were waiting on an airstrip for Amy's plane to show up. The plane came to a screeching stop. The duo got on board. The plane was huge, the size of a commercial, but instead of rows of seats it had different rooms. Everything was lined in pink.

"Amy is in the sauna." Amy's butler said, directing them to the bathroom.

"Holy crap! I didn't think Poor Single Girl With Strong Political Views got Amy that much money, but holy crap!" Sonic freaked.

"Calm down douchebag. I won best actress for that movie, what'd you expect?" Amy scoffed. She was in the sauna, only her shoulders and up were visible. "So Tails, what've you been up to lately?"

"Uh…nothing really…" Tails replied.

"Really? You missed me right?" Amy said in a cute little girl voice.

"Well, I guess hey. We were wondering if you could call your studio so we could make a movie." Tails proposed.

"Is he going to be in it?" Amy scowled pointing at Sonic.

"Well, yeah…"

"No" She replied.

"What?! Bullshit! I…" Sonic screamed, but Tails signaled for him to stop.

"Please Amy? For me?" Tails begged.

"Well… alright, just this once." Amy said standing up. "Tails, could you grab me my clothes. They're over their… are you all right?" She asked. The two were standing there shocked.

"Holy crap! She got a boob job!" Sonic remarked.

All right. The next chapter will be longer, but I'm pretty tired so that's it. Please don't just read it, actually reply, that way I know you're not just glancing.

NEXT CHAPTER: GATHERING AN ARMY!


End file.
